How to Deal with Difficult People During the Holidays.
TV, social medias, tend to portray the holiday season as a time for family, fun, and relaxation. However, for many people, the holidays can be stressful, especially when dealing with difficult individuals. Whether it’s a family member, friend, or even a colleague, navigating these relationships can be challenging. What makes it more challenging tis that people don’t talk enough about the holiday stress.
In this blog, we’ll explore some simple strategies that can help you handle difficult people during the holidays, allowing you to maintain peace and enjoy the season.
Who are the difficult people
Before we look into the solutions, it’s important to understand what we mean by "difficult people." These individuals may be overly critical, negative, or argumentative, or they might cause tension with their actions or words. Dealing with such behavior during the holidays can feel especially draining, as we naturally want to enjoy our time together with others.
Often, difficult behavior comes from personal stress, insecurities, or past unresolved issues. While it's tempting to react with frustration, understanding that these behaviors are usually more about the other person than about you can help you manage the situation better.
1. Set Boundaries
One of the best ways to deal with difficult people is by setting clear and healthy boundaries. Boundaries are limits you set for yourself to protect your emotional and mental well-being. These boundaries let you maintain control over your reactions and prevent difficult people from overwhelming you.
How to set boundaries with difficult people:
Know your limits: Think about what you can and cannot tolerate. Are there topics you prefer not to discuss? Are there specific behaviors that tend to trigger stress? Knowing these limits in advance will help you stay calm when a difficult situation arises.
Communicate your boundaries: Once you know your limits, it’s important to express them calmly but firmly. For example, if someone brings up a topic that makes you uncomfortable, you can politely say, “I’d rather not talk about that today.”
Stick to your boundaries: Sometimes, difficult people may test your boundaries. If this happens, be consistent in reminding them of your limits. It’s okay to gently repeat yourself, like, “I’ve mentioned before that I’d rather not discuss this.”
People not respecting your boundaries: You may have set your boundaries but that does not mean that people will respect it. If people keep pushing, know that it is okay to come up with an excuse to walk away, change the topic of the conversation, or restate your boundaries and just excuse yourself.
2. Manage Expectations
Holidays can bring high expectations of family gatherings filled with joy and harmony. However, when difficult people are involved, it’s important to adjust your expectations. Not everything will go as planned, and that’s okay.
How to manage expectations:
Accept that change is unlikely: Sometimes, we hope that difficult people will suddenly change their behavior during the holidays, but that’s usually not the case. It’s important to accept them as they are, while still maintaining your own peace. Accepting does not mean you agree to it. It just means you realize “they are who they are”.
Embrace imperfection: The holiday season doesn’t need to be perfect. Enjoy the little moments, like sharing a meal with loved ones, even if everything else isn’t going according to plan.
Focus on what you can control: While you can’t control others, you can control how you react. Instead of getting upset, choose to stay calm and focus on the positive aspects of the holiday.
3. Practice Empathy
Difficult people may be acting out due to personal stress, feeling misunderstood, or dealing with their own struggles. Practicing empathy and actively listening can often diffuse tension and help the person feel heard, which may lead to a more peaceful interaction.
How to practice empathy:
Listen without interrupting: Instead of immediately reacting, try to listen closely to what the person is saying. Acknowledge their feelings, like saying, “I understand that you’re frustrated,” even if you don’t agree with everything they’re saying.
Don’t take it personally: Often, difficult behavior is a reflection of the person’s internal struggles, not something aimed at you. Try not to take their actions or words personally.
Show understanding: You don’t need to agree, but simply showing you understand how the other person feels can help ease the tension. For example, “I can see why this is bothering you, and I’ll try to be more mindful of it.”
4. Have a Plan for Conflicts
Even with the best intentions, conflicts may arise. When they do, it’s important to handle them in a calm and controlled manner. Keeping your cool in moments of tension will help avoid escalating the situation.
Tips for managing conflicts:
Pick your battles: Not every disagreement is worth fighting over, especially when dealing with someone who enjoys stirring the pot. If the issue is small, it may be best to let it go.
Stay calm: In the heat of a disagreement, take a deep breath and remain composed. Speak calmly and avoid raising your voice.
Know when to step away: If things start to get heated, it’s okay to suggest taking a break. A simple, “I think we should take a few minutes and cool off before we continue this conversation,” can help de-escalate the situation.
5. Find Support
Spending time with difficult people can be draining, so it’s important to have support. Whether it’s a partner, close friend, or therapist, having someone you can talk to helps you process your emotions and keep a positive outlook during stressful moments.
How to find support:
Talk to someone you trust: Before the holidays, have a conversation with a friend or family member about your concerns. This way, you’ll have someone to lean on for advice or simply to vent when needed.
Take breaks: If you start feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a moment for yourself. Find a quiet spot or step outside to regain your energy.
Seek professional help if needed: If you’re dealing with someone who is particularly toxic or emotionally damaging, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. A therapist can offer tools for managing difficult relationships.
6. Prioritize Self-Care
Amid the busy holiday season, it’s easy to neglect self-care, but it’s crucial, especially when dealing with stressful people. Taking care of your body and mind will help you maintain your patience and avoid burnout. You are more likely to get easily frustrated and irritated if you are not taking scare of yourself.
Self-care tips:
Take time for yourself: Even during busy times, find moments to relax. Whether it’s reading, meditating, or simply going for a walk, make sure you schedule downtime to recharge.
Practice relaxation techniques: Deep breathing exercises, stretching, or mindfulness can help calm your mind and reduce stress.
Know when to leave: If a situation becomes too overwhelming, it’s okay to step away early or excuse yourself from the gathering. Your well-being comes first.
Remember, you have control over your reactions, but not other’s actions. It will be less of a struggle for you to maintain a calm and positive attitude, instead of trying to get the other person to change. It is possible to make the holidays more enjoyable, even in the presence of challenging people. Prioritize your well-being, embrace the imperfections of the season, and cherish the moments of peace and joy you can create.
Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. Her and her team are relationship and relational trauma therapists who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. Her team uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help their clients.
Thinking of therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.
For more information reach us at info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.
Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Ontario; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; Mississauga, ON; Milton, ON.
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Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.
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Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.
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There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.
It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.
At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.
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The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.
At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.
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The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.
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The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.
Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.
A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.
Difference:
Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher
Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.
Psychiatrist: MD
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Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose
Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose
Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication
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Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques
Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment
Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions
Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.
At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.