Can individual therapy help with relationship issues?

Individual relationship counselling

Individual relationship counselling

Ideally, to work on a relationship in therapy, both partner needs to be present. But there are times when your partner does not want to attend therapy for whatever reason they may have. The best alternative is for you to attend therapy alone, resulting in individual relationship counselling.  

One of the hardest things for clients who are attending individual relationship counselling is accepting that they are doing everything the therapist is recommending but their partner who is not attending therapy is still engaging in their old destructive patterns.

It is normal to be thinking how unfair it is. You are spending your time and money for you to learn these skills, but you are not getting the result you would like. You might be thinking that your partner is not willing to work on the relationship, because if they wanted, they would have attended counselling with you or they would at the very least, try to make a change.

You might also start believing that the problems in the relationship is your fault and that’s why your partner does not want to come with you.


Nonetheless, individual relationship counselling can still be beneficial. 

What is individual relationship counselling?

Individual relationship counselling is a form of psychotherapy where one partner attends therapy alone. You will be meeting with the therapist, usually once a week over the next few months. 

The focus of the therapy will be on you, your feelings, and the relationship. You will explore how you are affecting the relationship and how the relationship is affecting you. You will learn skills to improve your relationship by taking the lead. Individual relationship counselling is not a place where you will learn to change your partner. Neither will the therapist tell you what to do in regard to your relationship.

It is a place where the therapist will guide you so you can make confident decisions on what your next steps should be

How can individual therapy help with relationship issues?


  1. Getting to know your boundaries. You will get to know what you can and cannot put up with. By going to therapy, you are making growth. Through your insights and by implementing them, you are improving yourself for your relationship. Change starts from within.  

  2. Helping you become self-aware. By becoming self-aware you are paying attention to your behaviours concerning your core values. You are objectively evaluating yourself and will learn to make effective decisions. By learning about your values, you are standing firm to what you believe in, and it can help you look at the bigger picture. 

  3. Focusing on your behaviours. Again, this aligns with your values. It is possible that even your behaviours or words are not constructive. So how do you want to act and be perceived? How can you change your behaviours/words so you are able to get the result you want? This can help you will feel good about yourself and your relationship.

  4. Reducing psychological distress. In individual therapy, you are your therapist’s focus. Not another person who is not present with you. Your therapist can still help you with your emotions, help you gain clarity of the situation, and overall, feel better.

  5. Effective communication and conflict management skills. You will learn how to communicate your needs effectively and you will learn to listen and understand your partner. You will learn techniques for anticipating and avoiding heated arguments and skills to self-soothes You will know your triggers and learn to make a compromise.



When you think it is unfair and the situation IS unfair (the hard truths):


  1. You cannot control another person’s feelings, actions, and words. But you can control your own. So focus on that.

  2. Communicate with your partner and tell them how you are feeling. Tip: The best time to speak about something that is bothering you is not during the time you are upset. You are more likely to have a constructive discussion when both of you are calm. Try scheduling a time to talk with your partner about the things that are bothering you. This way both of you are not caught off guard by a fight and are more likely to listen to each other.

  3. Therapy is not a place to bash your partner. Often, when talking about a person it is easy to start bashing them. A good therapist will move you away from doing that and instead get you to focus on the dynamics of the relationship. 

  4. Acceptance. Accepting that your relationship is beyond repair. Sometimes, yes. It is unfair. Are you okay with this? I have seen this go both ways. Either the partner who is attending therapy knows they do not deserve this and develop the courage to leave the relationship, or they ignore the conflicts, pretending it is not there, and continue staying in the relationship. This is your decision to make.

  5. Making tough decisions. How will it look like if you stay or leave the relationship? Sometimes we stay in relationships because it is comfortable, and we still love the other person. But as we know, love is not enough. Love is an emotion that like any other emotion, it can change.



Ultimately, your therapist will be there for you along the way. Your therapist will not make decisions for you but will help you see what is destructive and guide you so you can make the best decision for yourself.

While you are making the changes for yourself, you will start to feel better. You will feel more confident, and your perspective of your relationship will change. Your partner may notice that change and is willing to try therapy too.


Resource: One book I often recommend is It Takes One to Tango by Winifred Reilly, MFT.





Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. She is a relationship and relational trauma therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. She uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help her clients.


Thinking of Therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.

For more information reach us at  info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.

Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Ontario; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; Mississauga, ON; Milton, ON.

 
  • Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.

  • Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.

  • There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.

    It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.

  • The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.

  • The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.

  • The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.

    Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.

    A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.

    Difference:

    Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher

    Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.

    Psychiatrist: MD

    ————

    Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose

    Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose

    Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication

    ————

    Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques

    Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment

    Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions

    Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.

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